Sometime, somehow, over the last few weeks, I found myself being super duper compliant. Like, ridiculously so. I realized this on Sunday when a waitress brought me home fries instead of the string fries I had ordered, and I said nothing. I simply smiled and ate the home fries even though I really, really didn't want to eat home fries. Just as I really, really didn't want a glass of white wine the other night when I had specifically ordered red, but again, I simply smiled and drank the Pinot Grigio.
At first I brushed off my silence as a sign of solidarity to the service industry. Having been a waitress for half of my twenties, I understand how annoying it can be to return a plate of fries to a busy kitchen or how nerve-wracking it can be to explain to an asshole-y manager why you have so many returns. So I was keeping mum in salute of the hard-working servers out there. No big deal.
But that didn't explain the coat.
The coat was one my mom had accidentally purchased online. She had wanted a black wool coat but was sent a black puffy one instead — it was this huge Coat Thing. Naturally, my mom wanted to return the coat, seeing as it wasn't the one she wanted. However, I told her, "Just leave it."
"Just leave it" was also my response when my parents picked up faulty Christmas lights. "What's wrong with you? I'm not going to have broken shit, " my mom said, who, then, promptly returned the lights (and the coat).
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just ask for my goddamn string fries and red wine?
By all accounts, I am a "Lean In" kind of woman. I raise my hand. I ask for things without apologizing. I question, clarify and try really hard not to assume (because we all know what that makes us if you do). So was I just suffering from a plague of politeness, or was there something more lurking underneath the shiny, people pleasing veneer?
Well, I'm attempting to live a full life, so that means it's always, always the latter. Here's what I came up with: sometimes you have to put up and shut up. Sometimes. In the case of the fries and wine, I didn't speak up because it really wasn't a huge deal. It's okay to be flexible once in a while, especially during the holiday season when everyone is running around and attempting to function as best they can.
When we suspend the need to be "right" all the time, we are making the more loving choice. Did the Pinot or home fries kill me? No. If a simple mistake just means a simple tweak in attitude, then, really, there's no harm done.
I'm not saying we shouldn't get what we asked for. No matter how much it's a challenge to speak up and demand for what we want and deserve, we should never give into passive compliance.
Whether it's a coat or Christmas lights or a job or relationship, it's important to say, "Hey, this isn't what I want," because our needs and desires are valuable. I told my mom to "just leave it" because, personally, I can't stand the time and energy that goes into refunding something.
It might seem minute, but the more you say, "Yeah, I'll take the broken lights because I can't bother to line up," the more likely you'll say, "I'll take the broken relationship because I can't be bothered to speak up." What's a little hassle when it comes to getting what you really want? Women already self-sacrifice way more than we should; asking for what we truly want is just another example of self-care that we ought to be doing more of.
Because no one deserves broken shit.
The post Speaking Up For What You Really Want appeared first on Shedoesthecity.
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Speaking Up For What You Really Want http://ift.tt/1NYx8Oz Brianne Hogan
Sometime, somehow, over the last few weeks, I found myself being super duper compliant. Like, ridiculously so. I realized this on Sunday when a waitress brought me home fries instead of the string fries I had ordered, and I said nothing. I simply smiled and ate the home fries even though I really, really didn't want to eat home fries. Just as I really, really didn't want a glass of white wine the other night when I had specifically ordered red, but again, I simply smiled and drank the Pinot Grigio.
At first I brushed off my silence as a sign of solidarity to the service industry. Having been a waitress for half of my twenties, I understand how annoying it can be to return a plate of fries to a busy kitchen or how nerve-wracking it can be to explain to an asshole-y manager why you have so many returns. So I was keeping mum in salute of the hard-working servers out there. No big deal.
But that didn't explain the coat.
The coat was one my mom had accidentally purchased online. She had wanted a black wool coat but was sent a black puffy one instead — it was this huge Coat Thing. Naturally, my mom wanted to return the coat, seeing as it wasn't the one she wanted. However, I told her, "Just leave it."
"Just leave it" was also my response when my parents picked up faulty Christmas lights. "What's wrong with you? I'm not going to have broken shit, " my mom said, who, then, promptly returned the lights (and the coat).
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I just ask for my goddamn string fries and red wine?
By all accounts, I am a "Lean In" kind of woman. I raise my hand. I ask for things without apologizing. I question, clarify and try really hard not to assume (because we all know what that makes us if you do). So was I just suffering from a plague of politeness, or was there something more lurking underneath the shiny, people pleasing veneer?
Well, I'm attempting to live a full life, so that means it's always, always the latter. Here's what I came up with: sometimes you have to put up and shut up. Sometimes. In the case of the fries and wine, I didn't speak up because it really wasn't a huge deal. It's okay to be flexible once in a while, especially during the holiday season when everyone is running around and attempting to function as best they can.
When we suspend the need to be "right" all the time, we are making the more loving choice. Did the Pinot or home fries kill me? No. If a simple mistake just means a simple tweak in attitude, then, really, there's no harm done.
I'm not saying we shouldn't get what we asked for. No matter how much it's a challenge to speak up and demand for what we want and deserve, we should never give into passive compliance.
Whether it's a coat or Christmas lights or a job or relationship, it's important to say, "Hey, this isn't what I want," because our needs and desires are valuable. I told my mom to "just leave it" because, personally, I can't stand the time and energy that goes into refunding something.
It might seem minute, but the more you say, "Yeah, I'll take the broken lights because I can't bother to line up," the more likely you'll say, "I'll take the broken relationship because I can't be bothered to speak up." What's a little hassle when it comes to getting what you really want? Women already self-sacrifice way more than we should; asking for what we truly want is just another example of self-care that we ought to be doing more of.
Because no one deserves broken shit.
The post Speaking Up For What You Really Want appeared first on Shedoesthecity.