We live in an era of increasingly tense relations between men and women. MRA's and their ilk have largely poisoned the conversation, opting to try to tear women down in an effort to bring themselves up. Meanwhile, many good men are left wondering how they should act, what they should do, and where we should go from here. Enter MANTALKS.
MANTALKS is an organization that is coming to Toronto for the first time on April 18. They promise to offer "bold conversations about redefining what it means to be a man in this day and age." We were intrigued. So we chatted with MANTALKS founder, Connor Beaton, last week.
SDTC: Why do you think an event like MANTALKS is necessary at this point in time?
CB: Its important because men are looking to grow, connect and thrive. Guys all over North America are looking to better themselves personally, professionally, in relationships as husbands and in families as fathers. In order to do this, they are looking for examples of other men who have the courage to share their personal journey and share insight into the success and challenges. We learn by the examples of others, we see ourselves in them and are able to better ourselves faster because of the lessons we learn through them.
Not only that, but men are looking to connect and build meaningful friendships which support them in their personal lives. The type of friendships that are lasting, open and where they are able to talk about the things that really matter in their life, not just the fluff or surface level sports scores, latest supercar and which whiskey they think is the best.
That's why we started a mastermind, to give guys the space to connect with like-minded people, grow and hold one another accountable to the goals and life they say they want.
You state on your website that women are welcome to attend. Why was it important for you to make that stipulation?
Because we believe it is important to have women in the conversation. There are many events and organizations for women and men only which often excludes the other's perspective. We believe that in order to move the conversation forward, we need to invite women into the conversation so they can hear and see the progress men are making. We also want to connect with them and learn more about how we as men can get better at connecting, listening and supporting. It is an important piece of feeling like a successful (heterosexual) man. Ultimately we want to be a successful partner, friend, brother and son, so we want women to be an integral part of our development.
We seem to be on the cusp of a new era; where masculinity is being redefined and reassessed. What are you hearing from other men? Is this something they struggle with?
I think that more than ever men are being asked to learn new ways of being, to show up and support in different ways which weren't required of them in the past. This is a good thing. In order for equality to move froward, we as a culture and as men, have work to do! Masculinity is shifting from the damaging 'Macho-Man' stereotype to the the of man who can support emotionally, who understands how to show up and be strong not just in a physical sense, but in an emotional and mental sense.
Men are wanting to grow and evolve. It is an interesting time to be a man! There are some really negative perspectives and stigmas surrounding masculinity which many men are working to curb. Its also a bit paradoxical as often society is telling them to be strong but soft, provide yet allow others to provide for themselves, be chivalrous but don't infringe on individuality, be smart but don't boast about it, protect but don't protect because that can diminish the other person's self worth.
What I hear from men is this: they want to succeed. Not in a financial sense, but in a societal sense. The biggest problem they face is that they feel as though they are supposed to figure it all out, yet often are ridiculed when they try to take the space to do so. They are also struggling to have the types of conversations needed in order to effectively and positively move the perceptions of masculinity forward, mostly because they are unsure who they can connect with to have the 'real talk'
As the mother of a baby son, this issue concerns me. Any tips on how to raise a good man?
This is a great question. 19th century philosopher Frederick Douglass said "It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men." Really it starts with our children. One of the biggest lessons we can teach our sons is the fine line between emotional suppression and emotional resiliency. To help them understand that anger isn't actually the bad guy, aggression is the real villain.
The best thing we can do to raise strong sons is to help them find the line between anger and aggression, respect and dis-respect without shaming them… that's the biggest challenge (in my opinion). Many young boys are shamed and guilted so they can be 'reined in' or 'controlled.' The problem here is shame and guilt breed suppression, so boys are more likely to act out, rebel or simply repress what is really happening behind the scenes. Boys are smart and will learn quickly what is a safe space or not safe space to open up.
So how do we build strong, resilient men who can still be soft when needed and truly understand emotional intelligence? Teach them. Teach them that anger is OK (not ALL the time, but when necessary) and help them see when anger passes the threshold into aggression.
And finally, have a strong male role model in their life. I know this is hard for some who are single mothers, but there are programs like Big Brothers which can be very beneficial, finding a sporting activity with a strong, positive coach who can guide and mentor or teacher who actually cares enough is extremely beneficial. There are more programs and examples coming into existence every day for this exact purpose and I strongly recommend using them. If you're in a relationship, having open conversations with your partner (whether they are the biological or non biological parent) about how they interact, what lessons they are teaching and how they discipline your son is hugely important!
MANTALKS takes place on April 18 at 461 King St W. Gary Durrant – President and Founder of Durrant Sports Management Inc., Giovanni Marsico – Founder – Archangel Academy, Inc. and Author "The Gifted Entrepreneur" and Ian Szabo – Founder Flipschool and author "From Renos to Riches" will be speaking.
The post MANTALKS: A New Conversation About Masculinity Is Coming To Toronto appeared first on Shedoesthecity.
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MANTALKS: A New Conversation About Masculinity Is Coming To Toronto http://ift.tt/1S2Hdvn shedoesthecity
We live in an era of increasingly tense relations between men and women. MRA's and their ilk have largely poisoned the conversation, opting to try to tear women down in an effort to bring themselves up. Meanwhile, many good men are left wondering how they should act, what they should do, and where we should go from here. Enter MANTALKS.
MANTALKS is an organization that is coming to Toronto for the first time on April 18. They promise to offer "bold conversations about redefining what it means to be a man in this day and age." We were intrigued. So we chatted with MANTALKS founder, Connor Beaton, last week.
SDTC: Why do you think an event like MANTALKS is necessary at this point in time?
CB: Its important because men are looking to grow, connect and thrive. Guys all over North America are looking to better themselves personally, professionally, in relationships as husbands and in families as fathers. In order to do this, they are looking for examples of other men who have the courage to share their personal journey and share insight into the success and challenges. We learn by the examples of others, we see ourselves in them and are able to better ourselves faster because of the lessons we learn through them.
Not only that, but men are looking to connect and build meaningful friendships which support them in their personal lives. The type of friendships that are lasting, open and where they are able to talk about the things that really matter in their life, not just the fluff or surface level sports scores, latest supercar and which whiskey they think is the best.
That's why we started a mastermind, to give guys the space to connect with like-minded people, grow and hold one another accountable to the goals and life they say they want.
You state on your website that women are welcome to attend. Why was it important for you to make that stipulation?
Because we believe it is important to have women in the conversation. There are many events and organizations for women and men only which often excludes the other's perspective. We believe that in order to move the conversation forward, we need to invite women into the conversation so they can hear and see the progress men are making. We also want to connect with them and learn more about how we as men can get better at connecting, listening and supporting. It is an important piece of feeling like a successful (heterosexual) man. Ultimately we want to be a successful partner, friend, brother and son, so we want women to be an integral part of our development.
We seem to be on the cusp of a new era; where masculinity is being redefined and reassessed. What are you hearing from other men? Is this something they struggle with?
I think that more than ever men are being asked to learn new ways of being, to show up and support in different ways which weren't required of them in the past. This is a good thing. In order for equality to move froward, we as a culture and as men, have work to do! Masculinity is shifting from the damaging 'Macho-Man' stereotype to the the of man who can support emotionally, who understands how to show up and be strong not just in a physical sense, but in an emotional and mental sense.
Men are wanting to grow and evolve. It is an interesting time to be a man! There are some really negative perspectives and stigmas surrounding masculinity which many men are working to curb. Its also a bit paradoxical as often society is telling them to be strong but soft, provide yet allow others to provide for themselves, be chivalrous but don't infringe on individuality, be smart but don't boast about it, protect but don't protect because that can diminish the other person's self worth.
What I hear from men is this: they want to succeed. Not in a financial sense, but in a societal sense. The biggest problem they face is that they feel as though they are supposed to figure it all out, yet often are ridiculed when they try to take the space to do so. They are also struggling to have the types of conversations needed in order to effectively and positively move the perceptions of masculinity forward, mostly because they are unsure who they can connect with to have the 'real talk'
As the mother of a baby son, this issue concerns me. Any tips on how to raise a good man?
This is a great question. 19th century philosopher Frederick Douglass said "It is easier to build strong children than repair broken men." Really it starts with our children. One of the biggest lessons we can teach our sons is the fine line between emotional suppression and emotional resiliency. To help them understand that anger isn't actually the bad guy, aggression is the real villain.
The best thing we can do to raise strong sons is to help them find the line between anger and aggression, respect and dis-respect without shaming them… that's the biggest challenge (in my opinion). Many young boys are shamed and guilted so they can be 'reined in' or 'controlled.' The problem here is shame and guilt breed suppression, so boys are more likely to act out, rebel or simply repress what is really happening behind the scenes. Boys are smart and will learn quickly what is a safe space or not safe space to open up.
So how do we build strong, resilient men who can still be soft when needed and truly understand emotional intelligence? Teach them. Teach them that anger is OK (not ALL the time, but when necessary) and help them see when anger passes the threshold into aggression.
And finally, have a strong male role model in their life. I know this is hard for some who are single mothers, but there are programs like Big Brothers which can be very beneficial, finding a sporting activity with a strong, positive coach who can guide and mentor or teacher who actually cares enough is extremely beneficial. There are more programs and examples coming into existence every day for this exact purpose and I strongly recommend using them. If you're in a relationship, having open conversations with your partner (whether they are the biological or non biological parent) about how they interact, what lessons they are teaching and how they discipline your son is hugely important!
MANTALKS takes place on April 18 at 461 King St W. Gary Durrant – President and Founder of Durrant Sports Management Inc., Giovanni Marsico – Founder – Archangel Academy, Inc. and Author "The Gifted Entrepreneur" and Ian Szabo – Founder Flipschool and author "From Renos to Riches" will be speaking.
The post MANTALKS: A New Conversation About Masculinity Is Coming To Toronto appeared first on Shedoesthecity.